Acceptance is a funny thing when you think about it. We all have this burning desire to be liked and even loved for who we are, but yet we go through hoops in an effort to be what someone else wants. This has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve stressed about how I feel now that I’ve gained weight and can’t seem to lose it. I’ve even expressed how I feel about my wife picking on me about my looks too (that blog post seems to have just flown through one eye right out her other eye.)
I decided to go without shaving for an extended period of time, and my wife couldn’t contain herself and had to pick on me mercilessly about it. I have gray and white hairs when I have a beard and it tends to grow out every which way.
My wife upset me the other day even though I tried to hide it by joking with her. She was calling me the “shaggy dog.” In her mind, I know she wasn’t saying it to hurt me or upset me. However, it made me feel like she wasn’t accepting me for who I am.
I don’t like to be clean shaven all the time. I like to have a beard and grow my hair out, but any time I do it, my wife is quick to have some snide remark about it. It makes me wonder if she’ll ever accept me for ME. When she makes these comments and harps about me shaving, it makes me feel like she’s trying to change who I am.
I feel that when you love someone you accept ALL of them. They don’t have to look or dress a certain way to have your approval. They can be who they ARE. I love my wife whether she’s skinny or fluffy, whether her hair is short or long, and if she’s moody or sweet. I just want her to love me and not make me feel like she’s judging or trying to change me with each passing day.
I’m saying all of this because I know that others can relate to what I’m stating. I’m not saying this to say that my marriage isn’t strong. Despite this major cork my wife has, I love her deeply and wouldn’t trade having her. I know in time she’ll get better about this issue. She’s just slow to change her bad habits (sometimes REALLY slow.)
Do you feel accepted by others in your life?
I’ve found that the only acceptance that matters is our own. When we can love ourselves unconditionally, we don’t need to seek it from someone else. And then we can see that what other people say, is not actually about us, but about their own insecurities. It takes a long time to get there. I’m not there yet. 😉
Lol. I understand what you’re saying. To a degree, I agree with you. It’s the things that we do to get acceptance from the ones we love that sometimes causes us the most pain in life, for me at least. Where we shouldn’t have to change for anybody but ourselves, like you said.