I talk about bringing marriages together every week on here. There are many times I come across as having it all together in my own marriage, but I honestly don’t! I am a controlling witch with a B many times over in my house. I have a really hard time letting go of the reigns with my husband and my kids all the time.
I was watching The Fosters the other day and one of the characters stated, “I took it away from myself because I was always too insecure.” I can relate to that quote with great intensity. I don’t know if it has to do with me being the product of divorced parents, the abuse, or a combination of all of it. However, I have always managed to sabotage any relationship I’ve ever had in some way or another. Most of the time, I’ve had no intention of doing it.
I come across as being self-absorbed/self-centered. I manage to turn every conversation or situation to be about me in some form or fashion. I’m a control freak. I literally can’t seem to help myself despite my best efforts.
Even when I’m trying to be helpful and show my support for my husband’s business it comes across as me trying to take control of it. Which, after having him S.P.E.L.L. it out to me I can see why he felt that way, but at the time of my actions “controlling the situation” was the furthest thing from my mind.
I helped him get his website and other social media sites locked in with a good name that was as close to what he wanted as possible. I thought I was doing a really good thing. He felt like I was trying to dictate to him everything. After all, his shop isn’t completely up yet, and I’m already preparing for marketing. I made him feel like I was managing him and his business efforts. Boy did that knock me down, and it stung like all get out that he thought I was trying to do that to him. The wood working business is his baby, just like the blog is mine.
He does a lot of behind the scenes things to help me with the blog. Trust me when I say, it’s a lot of help. He gives many suggestions and there are many blog posts that we’ve written together. Nothing has ever gone live on this blog without his consent or knowledge concerning topics about our family. It will forever remain that way. However, I was trying to do the same for him with his business.
So, granted I talk about having a lot of great suggestions for marriage. I do have them, but I’m not perfect by any means! I fail my husband often times, but we do always work it out. The key reason why we do and can is because we confident in knowing that neither one of us is ever going to leave the other (even if we do get mad enough to say we will or we have even taken our rings off a time or two through the years.)
However, when we do make up, we make up completely. I can remember when we were teenagers we’d have big fights just to get the amazing make-up sex. I think Del gets that itch from time to time and does it even now. Make-up sex is a whole another blog post in and of itself. (Yes, I will always be more comfortable talking about sex in marriage because it is my favorite topic, and one I feel that needs to be talked about a lot because it’s one of the biggest reasons why couples break up or at the very least have distance in their relationship.)
What is one area you struggle with in your marriage?
I can relate to the quote “I took it away from myself because I was always too insecure.” FOR SURE! I’m not married but I do have a boyfriend of about 7 years and a child with him but this is great inspiring post! I am now following you social media =)
Christin,
I’m glad that you can relate to my post. I’m glad to hear it inspires you. I look forward to getting to know you more on the social media sites. I don’t interact a lot on them because half the time I don’t know what to say, but if you send me something I do try my best to check them all quite often and respond.
One think I do is assume the worst. If a friend of mine says something questionable, I always give her the benefit of the doubt that she meant well. If my husband does the same thing, I assume he meant it in the worst way. Why do I do that? I need to stop!! –Lisa
It’s different with a friend verses a husband. I guess we expect our husband’s to know us better than a friend does.
Enjoyed reading your post. We definitely all have something that we need to work on in our marriages/relationships. I know I can be a bit selfish, and it’s something I try to work on. It’s hard to change sometimes! Good luck with the new business! Stopping by from SITS!
Thanks for the words of encouragement on the business.It’s still in the setting up stage, but it’s getting there! I’m so eager to see him fully started.
I definitely struggle with the whole selfish bit too. I feel like I struggle with so many aspects of relationships, but God blessed me with the perfect man to handle the job. I’m working on making my rounds little by little. 🙂
This is such a very honest and inspiring post. We all have to work at marriage, don’t we? It’s a hard thing to do some days! You seem to have your husbands best interests at heart. Stopping by from SITSblogging!
Glad you stopped by. Yes, I feel marriage is work, but it’s work well worth doing. Of course, some say it’s not work when you’re doing it out of love. I have to agree with that theory too.
Thanks for sharing the raw you…I saw my relationship in yours. Love the article…showing love from #SITS
Glad you can see your relationship in my blog post. It’s always refreshing when my readers can relate to my posts. I love it. Thanks for showing some love. I’m hoping and praying to have my rounds finished by tomorrow night. Losing power for a couple days threw me off track big time.
Amazing post! Nobody is perfect and we all have our faults. A big problem I have is thinking I’ve told my husband something but really only thought of telling him and then get upset he didn’t know. Also I have really high expectations of myself and I transfer this on to my husband which isn’t fair.
Oh my word, you too?!? I do this one all the time. I think so hard that I swear I’ve said something. I’m guilty of this with everyone. Do you even daydream their response too? (I know it sounds like we’re crazy…doing the whole talking to yourself thing.) LOL.
We just want our husband’s to use the potential we see in them. We believe in them, and want to give them that extra incentive to go farther. I get it.
I think we all need to stop before reacting – this applies to any relationship, not just marriage. I find that when I do this more often, things become much more easier to handle and not so terrible as they seemed to be.
I’ve learned that I have control over myself only and if I can change, then everything around me changes in a good way.
Thanks for sharing from the heart, Crystal!
Great reminder. It’s so hard to think before reacting when you have little patience. I’m working on it though, and am making small tiny improvements.
Every marriage has it’s ups and downs but when you love someone you try to see their point of view and they try to see yours. You make compromises for each other. After all you love them for who they are. #SITSBlogging
Compromising is a very vital part of a successful marriage. There is always a give and take situation.
We are our own worst enemies sometimes, aren’t we. Great post, thanks for sharing your personal story. #SITSBlogging
You’re welcome. I do tend to do it quite a bit, but they seem to get lost in all the sponsored posts and product reviews. Glad you stopped by.
After being touched and hung on all day long by 3 kids, sex is definitely our issue as I don’t want to be touched my husband. I know that is something we need to get back to though! #SITSBlogging
Considering I have 3 kids also tugging and pulling on me to the point that on some days I’m literally hurting and exhausted and really do have that ‘headache’, I can feel you’re pain and thoughts. Yet, when I do cave despite all of that and have sex with my husband. Let me tell you, it’s so worth it!! I feel totally relieved and sleep like a baby. The next day I’m totally refreshed and have that extra pep. Of course, I am blessed with a very considerate lover. If I’m just not up to par, he makes darn certain I get a whole lot of pleasure from it (it’s not wham bam thank you mam type of deal!) I have to make sure I make it up to him when I’ve had a good day with the kids (or get my break from them.) To his credit, he also makes sure that on those nights he REALLY wants a lot of action that he takes on all three kids for several hours until their bedtime and gives me an extra hour after they go to bed to unwind without interruption.
Just some ideas to discuss with your spouse, that may help you get back in the swing of it. Having help around the house too is a MAJOR help!! Del literally cleaned the inside of the frig for me for a Valentine’s Day present to me, and let me tell you that definitely made me want to jump his bones. There truly is something about having your man take on a task that you hate doing in the house that really is typically ‘your’ job.
I can totally relate to this. I feel like I sometimes try to over control the situation with my husband and it definitely comes from a place of insecurity. Also, I do think that when you are secure enough in your marriage to KNOW the other won’t leave even at their maddest, you can figure out how to work things out to fix the situation.
It’s hard to be insecure in some regards and yet totally utterly secure in other areas. I’m glad to know I’m not alone with this issue. I honestly have no intention of controlling every aspect of his life, but I can see why he says it comes across that way.
I think most married couples can relate to something in this post. It’s so refreshing when other people acknowledge their ups and downs. We’re all human and when we can find someone that’s willing to work through it with us, that’s something that is truly special =)
#SITSBlogging
I totally agree having a partner that you know is in for the long haul makes a world of difference. Glad you could relate.
We all have our unique marriages and ups and downs. It is interesting that after 13 years of marriage, we still have some of the same strife as years ago! I think that is just because we’re still the same people that we were then, and we are both strong minded about things. Thanks for the thought provoking post! #SITSBlogging
You’re right. We are who we are. My husband has his gripe sessions about the things that annoy him about me, and then at the end of it, he states, “That’s who you are and you’re not going to change. I love you anyways.” Then he’s good for about another six months to a year. Then it happens again. I think he just has to get it off his chest at least. I try to change honestly, but there are some major quarks about me that I just can’t change.
What an honest and thoughtful post. Thank you for sharing. I am visiting from SITS 🙂
Glad you stopped by. I’m trying to be 100% caught up with visiting all of the #SITSblogging group by tomorrow night if all goes well. I can’t promise it though. Not having power for several days put a huge kink in what I had planned.
What an honest/transparent post! Thanks for sharing.
I struggle with communicating in my marriage, and being critical. Can I blame being a virgo?
Lol. I don’t know. My husband and I are both Cancer and we’re both emotional beings and definitely have mood swings. We do hide in our shells a lot too. So, depends on whether or not you really believe in it at all. I don’t per say believe in it, but some of it has a bit of truth to it. I’m overly critical for sure!!
I’m not married (yet!) but I definitely see ways I sabotage my relationships by focusing on myself, and dwelling on the negative. I’m on the older side for a bride-to-be, and I have a lot of unlearning to do to be part of a couple.
First off, thank you for all the promotions and help with endorsing me on Serve. I truly appreciate it far more than I can express.
Secondly, congrats on your impending marriage. It’s always hard to ‘unlearn’ things that we’ve had installed in us for a long period of time. I know still struggle with unlearning many negative traits within myself.